Cinema Avengers: The Dark Knight
by sequestration13
Summary: With SHIELD broke, Fury gets the Avengers and their friends to star in The Dark Knight.
1. Prologue

Prologue

After Fury's latest spat with the World Security Council, in which he had said he had enough with these motherf-ing shrimps on his motherf-ing helicarrier, the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division was officially off the books. This caused quite a problem despite the resurrected Coulson's supplications to Pepper for money. She insisted that no amount of Enron accounting could hide the millions that would have to be funneled to S.H.I.E.L.D. Stark Industries had just gotten its life back, and it was loath to dive into another scandal, regardless of what its CEO, or Chairman, said.

After S.H.I.E.L.D. had sent several letters to corporations, conglomerates, other government agencies, and NGOs offering the Avengers' official support in exchange for money, one finally came back with a deal lucrative enough. There was just one problem. It was from Warner Brothers and Syncopy Films.

Once the Avengers had assembled, this time towing along Loki after a brief side mission to stop him from turning all of the street signs in New York upside-down, Fury broke the news.

"Ever since we had that little, uh, mix-up with the Council - "

"Uh, yeah. That was real nice, Director. I couldn't have done it any better," proclaimed Tony Stark who had characteristically put both of his feet on the table.

"Stark. Please," groaned Steve. He then motioned for Fury to continue.

"Yes. Ever since the Council grounded us, we still need money. And I know just the way to get it." Agent Coulson then unfurled a huge banner behind the conference table._  
_An image of Tony Stark in a rubber suit stood in front of a building with a bat logo in flames behind it.

"How is that a good idea?" asked Dr. Banner. "You'd be raising our profile to unprecedented levels. Some of us like our privacy."

"It's because they are the only people who sent us enough money to fund us for the next two years" Coulson replied. Unfolding his arms and heading to the table, he also motioned to the large stacks of paper that sat in front of the team.

Thor, who had somehow managed to remain silent through these ground-breaking revelations, finally spoke up. "What is the purpose of these papers?"

Fury quickly spoke before Tony could make another wisecrack. "It's the screenplay. It's what those people in the magical black box, as you call it, say."

"But you mean, they were told what to say in advance?"

"Thor, that is exactly what he means," chimed in Steve. "It doesn't look like we have much of a choice here. And who is this Christopher Nolan person?"

"That is the indication of genius waiting to happen" gasped Clint. "Natasha, if this is really true, then . . ."

"I know. I'll have to represent innocent naivete or selfish betrayal. Clint, come on, how bad could it be?" asked Natasha.


	2. An Opening Night to Forget

An Opening Night to Forget

It had taken more than $200 million, an emergency task force of Industrial Light and Magic engineers, five sets, and a new line of credit at Starbucks to get the movie done. Steve, used to being a trained monkey, did what he was told, and not much more. Tony had thrown himself quite enthusiastically into the role of the anti-hero. Thor and Loki proved to be the most difficult. Both Asgardians had never gotten used to fighting in front of green screens. When Nolan directed the brothers to "just do what they did naturally", the collateral damage from a wayward Mjolnir throw had made the accountants shriek with frustration. Natasha hated wearing having to speak legalese and Clint had been fanboying from the very first day.

Yet, by some miracle, the first showing of _The Dark Knight, Avengers Edition_ was in New York. All had showed up wearing expensive suits except for Natasha (wearing one of Pepper's dresses) and Thor and Loki (opting for their Asgardian ceremonial armor). In front of the cameras, Steve began giving a speech on what a great opportunity it was to be in a movie, how he had grown up watching them and wishing he could be in one, and what a great team they had to work with. While Steve had been giving the speech, Loki had quietly turned all of the post dinner coffee into hot chocolate, and the hot chocolate into espresso.

All of them received the best spots in the theater, Natasha and Clint at one end followed by Bruce, Tony, then Steve, Thor, and Loki. Agent Coulson came in and promptly ordered Tony to move as he sat down all too eagerly next to Steve. The lights dimmed and began the spectacle that was _Transformers: The Fallen Avenged_. But not before trailers for _The Fantastic Four_, _Red Dawn, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, The Hurt Locker, The Prestige, The Zodiac, _and of course, _The Avengers_. Whilst all of the respective superheroes were squirming in their seats at how much they looked like characters for their trailers. The theater finally died down after Thor had finished the popcorn during the _Hurt Locker_ trailer and had none left for the three hour gritty extravaganza after the Warner Brothers Pictures logo.


	3. Act I Prologue

Cinema Avengers: The Dark Knight

We see the title sequence, then followed by a swishing black cape. The Chechen (Anton Vanko) is in a public parking garage caressing his dogs. We then cut to a white van in which two SHIELD Agents escort a man into the garage. It is the Scarecrow (Balder Odinson with a burlap bag over his head). Unfortunately, much of his face is still shining in through the material.

Chechen/Vanko

You give me bad product. But I need to go.  
[motions to dogs, who are barking and growling]  
Good, good my pretties. Ready to scare Stark away?

Scarecrow/Balder  
You mean, the BATMAN?  
[Tries to give Vanko the hint]  
But if you are mad that I gave you that product, it's either me, or anyone who's not afraid to stand up to the Batman.

Chechen/Vanko  
He is here. I know it.

We then hear a loud hammer blast as we see Mjolnir being swing around to decimate the white van, the Chechen's dog's, and the unwitting SHIELD agents. We then see this hammer wielding god – er man is in a black suit resembling that of the Batman's. Both the Chechen and the Scarecrow escape. Unfortunately, it is not the Batman, but a fake Batman (Thor Odinson). Batman (Tony Stark) shows up.

Batman/Stark  
What did you do to them Point Break?

Fake Batman/Thor  
Be not afeared friend Stark, for thine enemies exist no longer!

Batman/Stark  
That wasn't the plan.

The Scarecrow's Car crashes into the wall of the parking garage because Balder has forgotten how to drive. Batman races up and takes off Scarecrow's mask, but immediately puts it back on because of his shining face.

Fake Batman/Thor  
Friend Stark, it appears that you need help!

Batman/Stark  
I don't need help

Scarecrow/Balder  
I don't think so.

Fake Batman/Thor  
Every hero needs a friend and a brother. Where is yours? Why can't I render assistance?

Batman/Stark  
I'm wearing a helmet.

Fake Batman pouts, remembering he left his winged helm on Asgard.


	4. Act I Scene 1

SCENE I

We see a bank that had been robbed. Specialist Ramirez (Agent Maria Hill) and Sergeant Gordon (Steve Rogers) view the security tape. A thin man with dark hair, with puncture wounds around his lips waves at the camera before using his scepter to blast through the vault door.

Batman shows up.

Batman/Stark  
What a fine day it is for you, Capsicle, I mean

Gordon/Rogers  
Save it. Him again, right?

Batman nods, and then begins scanning for the irradiated bills.

Gordon/Rogers  
My men have been tracking the bills. We've linked them to six banks so far.

Batman/Stark  
I need to move in.  
[Stops scanning]  
Just stay out of my way and then you'll have the entire mob on your front door by tomorrow

Gordon/Rogers  
What about this man? We can't just leave him. He looks a lot like a joker.

Batman/Stark  
Reindeer Games can wait.

Gordon/Rogers  
If that's the case, we'll have to hit all of the banks at the same time. We'll have to get Dent in on this too.

Batman/Stark  
Do you trust him?

Gordon/Rogers  
He's done a brilliant job holding me accountable.

Gordon turns to look at Batman, but he is already gone.


	5. Act I Scene 2

SCENE 2

We see a holographic representation of JARVIS walking around a room in the basement of Wayne/Stark Tower. Loads of Wayne/Stark tech line the walls as Wayne goes over the footage from the bank robbery.

Alfred/Jarvis  
Sir, it would be nice when the mansion's rebuilt. Then you can drive yourself crazy in California instead of this place.

JARVIS proceeds to refill several coffee cups and shot glasses that litter the desks.

Wayne/Stark  
I need a new suit.

Alfred/Jarvis  
Just that time of year again?

Wayne/Stark  
No, I hear Hammer got a new one, and I need an even better one as a result.

Alfred/Jarvis  
I'm sure Mr. Fox will be more than happy to supply the materials.

Wayne takes a newly refilled shot glass and downs the contents.

Wayne/Stark  
There was another copycat last night, J. With a magical hammer.

Alfred/Jarvis  
Perhaps you could hire him. Give him some mead or Pop-tarts perhaps. You could take Thursdays off.

Wayne/Stark  
That wasn't what I had in mind.

Alfred/Jarvis  
I know. Things are improving, though. Look at the new District Attorney . . .

"Alfred" opens up a webpage: The Gotham Times, a handsome man splashed across the top banner.

Wayne/Stark  
Well, whoever Rachel is with is her business. As long as Pepper's mine.

Alfred/Jarvis  
Sir, remember to know your limits.

Wayne/Stark  
Iron Man has no limits. Batman maybe, but not Iron Man.

We hear shouting from off screen but it is immediately cut off as we cut to . . .


	6. Act I Scene 3

SCENE 3

Harvey Dent (Dr. Bruce Banner) hastily sits down next to Rachel Dawes (Natasha Romanov) in a Gotham courtroom.

Dent/Banner  
Sorry I'm late, folks.

Dawes rolls her eyes.

Dawes/Romanov

Don't worry, I could have taken him out in a heartbeat.

Dent/Banner

Flip a coin?

Dent pulls a large gold coin out of his pocket. He pulls out his most charming grin.

Dawes/Romanov

Fine

Dent/Banner  
Heads, I'll take it. Tails, he's all yours.

The coin is flipped, and it comes out heads.

Dawes/Romanov  
Flipping a coin to determine who takes him out?

Dent/Banner  
It was Thaddeus Ross's favorite.

Dawes/Romanov  
I'm serious. Don't leave these things to chance.

Dent/Banner  
Don't worry. [Looks Dawes straight in the eye]  
I make my own luck.

Twenty or so minutes later, Dent has the witness (Justin Hammer), sweating in his loafers.

Dent/Banner  
Since Falcone was taken out by the Scarecrow, someone must have stepped up to run the so-called family. Is this man in the courtroom today? [Hammer nods]  
Could you identify him for us, please?

Witness/Hammer  
Counselor, counselor, please. You do me a great disservice. I am the one.

The courtroom erupts in laughter. Dent has a tinge of green in his otherwise unruffled composure.

Dent/Banner  
I have a sworn statement from you saying that THIS MAN [Points to Sal Maroni (Phil Coulson)] as the head of the Falcone crime family.

Witness/Hammer  
What do you have on me? I simply wanted to take care of business. He's just a fall guy.

Dent/Banner  
[Now with a much lower voice] Witness . . . is . . . hostile . . .

The witness pulls out the "ex-wife", but it misfires spectacularly just as it did in Flushing Meadow. Dent punches the witness with enough force to send him through two walls.


	7. Act I Scene 4

After calming down and getting Dent's cooperation, Gordon agrees to move on the Mob. Meanwhile, Lucius Fox (Col. Rhodes) presides over a board meeting. Making a Powerpoint presentation is "Lau" (Johann Schmidt).

SCENE 4

Lau/Schmidt  
In Germany, HYDRA Holdingks stands vor dynamick neue grovsh. A joint wenture with Vayne Enterprishes vill be a poverhaus.

Fox/Rhodes  
Well, Mr. Lau, I speak for the board and my friend [Wayne is slumped over, apparently passed out in an alcohol stupor], in expressing our excitement.

Dr. Armin Zola nervously looks along with Baron Zemo as part of the HYDRA delegation.

The delegation is shown to the door with quiet handshakes.

Lau/Schmidt  
Do not vorry, Herr Fox. Everyvone knows who veally vuns Vayne Enterprishes.

Fox/Rhodes  
Oh my, look at the time. We'll get our bookies to run the numbers. See ya!

Fox closes the door on them. He is then approached by Coleman Reese (Clint "Hawkeye" Barton).

Reese/Barton  
Sir, I know Mr. Wayne's curious how the coffers keep getting replenished, but frankly, he can only embarrass himself so many times before I shoot him with my . . .

Fox/Rhodes  
It'll be alright. Run those numbers again. We don't want the trust fund to run out, now do we?

Reese leaves leaving Wayne alone in the boardroom, apparently perfectly hale, hearty, alert.

Fox/Rhodes  
Your act is getting good. Even I have a hard time telling when you're faking or not. Let's not assume that you're dying this time, though.

Wayne sighs.

Fox/Rhodes  
This joint venture looks good, but there's something fishy. HYDRA has grown like clockwork every single quarter. They must have an illegal revenue stream somewhere.

Wayne/Stark  
Dump them.

Fox/Rhodes  
Always my most omniscient friend.

Wayne/Stark  
Actually, Pepper did 12% of the work. But I need materials for a new suit.

Fox/Rhodes  
Consider it done.


	8. Act I Scene 5

Author's Note: Apologies for the delay. School can be really time-consuming sometimes. Anyway, from now on, I will be referring to the characters by their Marvel counterparts. I feel that this will make it easier to distinguish who is who. It certainly makes it easier to write. Enjoy!

* * *

SCENE 5

After Stark agrees to throw Banner a fundraiser, after saying you either die a hero, or live long enough to become a villain, we cut to a hotel kitchen. Two mooks put a television on a table. Arranged conference style is Anton Vanko, Phil Coulson, and Nick Fury and some of their henchmen.

The screen flickers to life and the Red Skull appears at the other end.

Red Skull  
Gentlemann, pleeas. As you already know, one of our deposits vas stolen. A small amount, $68 million.

Vanko  
Who stupid enough to steal from us?

Red Skull  
I hear zat his name is Loki.

Vanko  
Who dat?

Coulson  
A GCPD level 7. Wears armor and a stupid horned helmet. He's not the problem. (looks at Schmidt)  
The problem is, our money is tracked by the police.

Red Skull  
Sanks to Herr Coulson's vell placed agents, ve know zat police have identified our bills und are planning to get your money, today.

The entire kitchen erupts. After the hubbub subsides, Schmidt continues talking.

Red Skull  
I moved ze money to a safe place. While I do zat, I fly to Berlin, far avay from Banner's jurisdiction. I have vell placed friends in the government and zey will make sure I am not extradited.

Suddenly, a mad cackling grows louder and louder. We then see Loki, face twisted into a near permanent smile with stitch marks.

Loki  
And I thought my tricks were bad.

Fury:  
Gimme one reason why I shouldn't have my man here drop you off an airplane!

Loki pulls out a pencil, unsharpened, and holds it in his hand.

Loki  
How about a little magic? Now, I'm going to make this pencil _disappear_.

One of Fury's men stands up, only to receive a blunt pencil to his left eye, which has miraculously turned into a dagger.

Loki  
Oh, and by the way, the armor wasn't stupid. You should know. You fought it.

Fury stands as if to take on Loki himself, but Vanko stops him. The rest, including Schmidt, watch in silence.

Loki:  
Let's wind the clocks back a year. Before, none of these stupid Midgardian authorities would have ever dared to stop you. But a god like me . . .

Fury:  
Ant.

Loki:  
A god like me . . . Look, I know why you're holding these, um, counseling sessions in the light of day. I know why you're afraid to leave your homes at night. _Iron Man_. He's shown this pathetic city your immoral selves. Banner? He's just the beginning. Oh, [indicates Schmidt], and as for his so-called plan? Iron Man doesn't have a jurisdiction. He'll find him, and make him SQUEAL.

Coulson:  
So what do we do?

Schmidt terminates the link.

Loki:  
It's simple. We destroy Iron Man.

Laughter all around.

Coulson:  
So why haven't you done it?

Loki:  
As Odin always said, if you're good at something, never do it for free.

Vanko:  
How much you want?

Loki:  
Um, half.

Even more laughter.

Loki:  
If we, as criminals, don't take care of this problem, um Director Fury, here, won't be able to get a nickel for his Helicarrier

Fury:  
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERF . . .

Loki rapidly moves away.

Loki:  
Hold on one minute [takes off his cape to reveal bombs strapped to it], let's not blow this out of proportion.

Fury:  
You think you can steal from us and just walk away?

Loki:  
Why, yes.

Fury:  
Then SHIELD's putting the word out. Five hundred grand for this mischief-maker dead, a million alive, so I can teach him some lessons, first.

Loki:  
Why don't you take a minute of your pathetically short mortal lives to think about this. Here's my card.

Loki bolts out of the door, finger still on the trigger.


End file.
